So this topic came up in conversation today, and it’s been on my mind. I’ve always found this debate to be quite interesting.
So the topic is that of the exes….ex-boyfriends and girlfriends that is. More specifically, when you enter a relationship, what happens with your friendships with exes?
Do you toss your exes to the wayside when love enters your life?
All the times that I’ve heard this debate, I’ve heard two basic arguments:
1) Exes cannot be friends.
Exes are exes and that’s that. They are too be left on the battlefield of love. They are casualties of a messy war of meeting, and flirting, and all the things which relationships entail. Unlike the code of honor of our armed forces, you do leave these men and women behind. Furthermore, it is argued that to remain friends with exes is disrespectful to the person you are currently involved with to have these connections from your past still prevalent in your life. To be friends with an ex means that there is some connection which you are unwilling to alleviate, and that in itself is a bad thing.
– or –
2) Not being friends with any of your exes just seems kind of weird
Now of course, there are some people which we date, that when the smoke clears, you pray to the heavens that you never again will hear their voice, or see their face, etc, etc, etc. However, if this is every single relationship you’ve been in….I would dare to argue that there is something wrong with YOU! In the escalation of connections between people that go from friends, to a little something more, to lovers, it only seems natural that with some of these people, at least some, you will form connections that transcend failed attempts at romanticism, and the burning coals of passion simmer into something much more sustainable…true friendship. A friend who knows your thoughts, and dreams, and your inclinations, and how dumb you look in the morning with bed head and sleep in your eyes. Beyond that, it just seems strange that someone will see you in the most compromising of positions (multiple, sometimes as many as 4 or 5 a day) and after all that, you two just never speak again.
Of course this is a tricky situation. There is tons of gray area. Of course in some situations there may be lingering feelings, or exes ( and hell, friends for that matter) who can’t respect the boundaries of your newfound “status”…but is there room for compromise? Or, much like so many areas of dating, and love, and intimacy, and passion, and affairs of the heart…is this an all or nothing deal?
Where do you fall in on this topic?